it's raining in kerala since last three to four days and i remember....
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As I watch that raindrops
Weaving a curtain for the roofless earth,
Memories of my childhood
Scurrying towards me..
Excuse me plz,
Take me to the good old days of
The Mother Nature
Where I saw the coconut leaves
Dancing to the cadence of the breeze
Where I saw nature dripping wet and
The sky taking a thunder shot of her’s
And far there, from the dark cloud, I saw the birds
Eager to alight on the coconut tree.
Wow! That swift and smooth perch,
Finding themselves safe at that height and cozying there.
Below ,that rectangle paddy fields,
Lined by coconut trees on its
Narrow mud brink (I remember the brown muddy paddy field I watched from the terrace)
And there I saw the lone sickle shaped coconut tree…
Standing as a question mark.

I still feel the chillness of the zephyr waved at me
The ground was mucky and like mire
Tiny channels of muddy water headed fast
As if to make it’s way to the Gr8 Ocean.
The fervent little channel aroused in me
For the first time- the power of hope
The confidence in that little channel to
Cross the hurdles n to reach the ocean
Kindled the light of hope in me.
And I always prayed for a heavy rain.
I remember adding a cup of water to that channel
Thinking that it shouldn’t go beyond the ocean but to the ocean.
When the pouring stopped I could see, there was no cooler breeze
The trees were idle and the birds flew away and the little channel dried up.

I never expected Life to  make such a big turn in my life .each day im supposed to negotiate with things which I don’t like at all.
I don’t know how far will I have to do this.yes may be till I finish my course.
Cuz it’s a truth that if are doing a job we can any time give a resignation letter and push our ass out from there.but when it comes to matter of education , we will have to negotiate.
I would always like my juniors to enquire abt the institution before they join there. Not only its reputation but also facilities like Hostel(especially for girls),water, transport, climate(very important) &c.
Atleast try to visit the college/uty where u r goin to study and get convinced by urself.
Don’t just go by what others say.
Cuz mental peace and easiness is a must to grow in our life.,to give full concentration to studies.

I start my day by 5:45 nowadays, so that I can reach my lab by 7am.this is all I can do to get rid of the pollution of this city as well as to reach here without getting squeezed in the packed buses.

I buy water daily for 30/- I use it like some ration material.

I cant go up the third floor and take some fresh air .i get to breath tons of benzene pyroxene and other toxic materials.
What a life?
Well…..i will never ever prefer a city life.if I can anytime make it up, I will prefer to live in villages…where we can breath some fresh air…where we can enjoy the real fresh rain..where we can enjoy the cool, soft breeze, where we can use water as much as we want…...
 I love my kerala.i don’t know with the launch of wipro and other s/w companies there , the virginity of kerala is under threat. The population increase and the flood of professionals all over the country  will root out the freshness of kerala too.(kerala has escaped since she don’t have much companies In her lap)will she be able to accommodate such a big population like Chennai? If it happened , then over exploitation of water and resources can make kerala a desert like Chennai.
I really worry for my little state.

Whether we can get to breath some fresh air without any restrictions in the near future???
Sigh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel…
I have become a women
When I finally started to control  expenditure
I have become a women
When I finally started trying for a job
I have become a women
When i could bear being away from my parents
I have become a women
When I could somehow stop myself from crying
I have become a women
When I  could stop myself being emotional often
I have become a women
When I’ve been addressed as Madam
I have become a women
When I finally started watching adoor gopalakrishnan’s movies
I have become a women
when i finally could catch a train and reach home alone
I have become a women
When I started advicing others
I have become a women
When i started reading kamala Das’s novels
I have become a women
When I finally started browsing Kerala Matrimony.com
 
Now when I have become a women
Why do I still run around my mother
Complaining about food,water and climate here
Why do I phone her frequently,
Why do I still feel like seeing her and miss her a lot
Why do I still tell her that im trying to control expenditure
But iam not able to…..
When will I become  a self-sustaining person???
 
Sigh.. 
  
  
  
 

today....
it was raining outside....
nature weaving a curtain outside from the white roof above..
i could hear nothing but the sound of water droplets hitting the ground....soft music waves of jagjith singh (tumko dekha to...yeh ) in the bg...
i was humming the song..a chilled wind was blowing then...its good to feel that breeze especially when we had a shower...

i climbed the stairs up to my room...when i saw that black box up there in the rack....my violin....when i opened that box i saw that reddish meroon instrument...that once i have tried to learn but finally gave up....my greedy mind wanted me to play "tum ko dekha to"...in that...

it was so enticing...took it out and dusted it...rubbed it with a cloth and slowly try to play that....was that a meloncholy or a melody...i dont know...i tightened the strings with a proffessional appraoch when it finally happened.. the last string got broken..

i slowly kept it inside the box...dumped it in the same place and went to the balcony to feel the rain..the strings of water droplets..weaving a curtain...(ahem ahem....)